The epiphany...

I've been waiting for a while now to hear back from an agent with my full manuscript. I heard today. Rejection. And really, not for anything seriously wrong with it. She felt it wasn't a true YA, it's definitely Adult Fiction. Also, certain aspects of my world confused her, she didn't expound on that, but I'm fairly certain I know what she's talking about. 


Here's the deal though, I'll clear the confusion...like I said, I'm pretty sure I know where that problem lies...but I think the reason why she rejected this, it's a matter of..what do I do with this? She read the whole thing, said she actually enjoyed it. She's always liked my voice and was excited to read this. I think what it all boils down to is this...it's different. Not bad, just different. 


I've been contemplating something for a long long time and that's that I placed too much emphasis on NY. I've made them my end all be all. But I don't think I can write for NY. Not that I can't write, but that my stuff is not at all what NY wants to see. Is there an audience for my books...honestly, I don't know. I don't know that anyone outside of my family and CP's would like this. I don't know that I'll ever make a red cent on these books, but I do know I have to publish them. I have to put them out there, I just have to. So it's with much sadness, but firm resolve, that I know my NY dreams will never be. After 10 years I think I'm finally ready to admit it's over. 


From now on, I'll be strictly Indie. In the end I think I'll actually be happier. It's a sad day for me right now, but I really do feel I'm making the right choice.